Trump Toilets Inc.

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So the world’s most powerful man has now turned his attention to something that apparently urgently needs his intervention. Did you think it was Russia policy, or North Korea  policy, or social security, or health care? Not at all - but something far more important than that in this age - Toilets.

Yes, toilets. That’s not a joke. The President of the United States, the Chosen One, Blessed be His Name, spent 15 minutes raging on about toilets, and how because of regulations, people need to flush 10-15 times. Well, he should know. With all the shxt that comes out of his mouth, I wonder if even 10-15 times is enough to flush it down. So away with those useless Obama toilets and let’s have real Trump Toilets - “I know more about Toilets than anybody - nobody can make Toilets as good as I can”.

Maybe he’s already thinking about his next business opportunity. But after the collapse of Trump Shuttle, Trump Steaks, Trump Vodka and Trump University, I wonder whether Trump Toilets will do much better. On the other hand, there is a big business opportunity. His pal Modi is trying to build hundreds of millions of toilets in India (to be clear - a worthy initiative, though with many pitfalls). He is reportedly only halfway through. So Trump could give up Trump Wall, which refuses to come up, and launch Trump Toilets. Even a $ 1 profit on each of several hundred million toilets would be a windfall for him.

Of course, there would certainly be questions about a Trump Toilet design. Since almost nobody produces as much shxt as Trump does, Modi would need to be sure that the Trump Toilet is not designed for Trump needs and thus too big for real Indian needs. Also, with India going in for windmills as well, they would have to make sure the windmills, which as we know cause cancer, are kept away from the toilets. I mean, who wants to get cancer when following the call of nature.

And in the rich US, with his huuuuge base, Trump could sell designer toilets. Brand the things. His hotels already have The Spa by Ivanka Trump. Next to them, you could have The Toilet by Junior and Eric.

As Modi would say, acche din (good days) are in store for Americans as well.

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