Brexiternity continued

And so we march on into Brexiternity. The full farce of British democracy was on view as Parliament voted on 8 (Eight!!!!???) possible alternatives to May’s deal, and all of them came short. At this late stage, for plenty of MPs, the party is still more important than country. Here the full list, in order of For votes (there were plenty of abstentions, which is why totals are far apart). I won’t go into what each option means, as it would be like writing a new version of Shakespeare ‘s Complete Works.

Brexit vote options              For          Against

Public vote                           268             295
Customs Union                    264             272
Labour plan                          237             307
Common Market 2.0           188              283
Cancel Brexit                       184              293
No deal Brexit                      160              400
Standstill agreement          139              422
EFTA and EEA                       65              377

As a reminder, at the last vote on it, May’s deal had 242 for, 391 against.

What they didn’t vote on (yet).

Collectively burying their heads in the sand.
Collectively bowing their heads in shame.
Collectively shooting themselves.
Voting for England to win the World Cup.

What happens next? Well, nobody knows, so in my usual helpful way, I am offering a solutiion that could be acceptable.

Penalty shootouts. 

Yes, yes, I know England hate penalty shootouts, because they mostly lose, but in this case, losing may actually be winning.

So let each of the 9 teams above choose 5 shooters. Just like in the Dutch company hockey leagues that I have played in, there could be a rule that each time must have at least 2 female penalty takers. Don’t put England goalie Pickford in goal, as we may then have to wait a few months till a penalty is scored, making the wait as painful as Brexit itself. Take the worst goalie from the regional leagues and let him stand in goal. 

Of course, just like with a jury in a criminal trial, you would have to ensure that the goalie is unbiased, or he may allow his favoured option to win. You can solve that issue by having the penalties taken blind. The goalie doesn’t know which team each shooter is from (You can see my pharma background).

After each round of penalties, eliminate the team(s) with the lowest scored goals. Carry on till you finally have a winner.

Crazy, you say? Well, not much crazier than what is going on in Parliament anyway.

Let the scoring start.

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