Trump-san and sumo
When I first heard that Trump was going to watch a sumo tournament and hand out a trophy, I was a bit surprised, knowing how full of tradition sumo is, and like a religion to many Japanese. And a real religion, not some hypocritical evangelical crap. The sumo ring is a sacred space, where the same set of rules and rituals has applied to its inhabitants for centuries.
But always willing to do my share to further world peace, I called Kellyanne with some suggestions. First of all, I said that Trump should ditch his baggy-pants suit and long red tie, and enter the stadium wearing the traditional sumo loin cloth, the mawashi.
He could even arrange his orange hair into a sumo topknot, the chonmage.
Just imagine the reception he would have got. Instead of the usual idiot the Japanese were expecting to see, Trump would enter like a true Sumo devotee, and the roar of appreciation would even be heard in North Korea. And Trump, with his huge build and paunch would be quite suited to a sumo look.
Kellyanne thought it was a good idea, but brought up some difficulties. Trump would not be able to squat like a sumo wrestler in the mawashi. I suggested she and Sarah could prop him up from both sides as he went into the squat. She objected that women were not allowed into the ring, the dohyo, as it would then have to be reconsecrated. I told her that that didn’t matter as my Japanese sources had told me that the dohyo was going to be reconsecrated anyway after being defiled by Trump, using the strongest reconsecration rituals known to mankind.
As we now know, the Trump team ignored my advice, and he went there the usual moron that he is. He looked surprised that it was different from World Wrestling entertainment, where he has participated. But worst of all, he could not sit cross legged like everybody else, and Abe had arranged a chair for him right next to the sacred ring. The other 11000 fans sat on mats. As you can imagine, as this is a family newsletter, I cannot reprint most of the comments on the article in the Japan Times. A few were less insulting - like one that said that his double-cheeseburger lunch was clearly visible.
It was also clear that Trump was not used to an event where he was not the main attraction. He entered like it was one of his rallies, with waves and fist bumps. The Japanese, too polite to boo, politely ignored him. He finally got to present the trophy, putting on slippers to enter the ring, which again angered traditionalists. He tried to give a rally speech, but no one was interested.
The Japanese are polite, but they don’t tolerate crap for long.
But always willing to do my share to further world peace, I called Kellyanne with some suggestions. First of all, I said that Trump should ditch his baggy-pants suit and long red tie, and enter the stadium wearing the traditional sumo loin cloth, the mawashi.
He could even arrange his orange hair into a sumo topknot, the chonmage.
Just imagine the reception he would have got. Instead of the usual idiot the Japanese were expecting to see, Trump would enter like a true Sumo devotee, and the roar of appreciation would even be heard in North Korea. And Trump, with his huge build and paunch would be quite suited to a sumo look.
Kellyanne thought it was a good idea, but brought up some difficulties. Trump would not be able to squat like a sumo wrestler in the mawashi. I suggested she and Sarah could prop him up from both sides as he went into the squat. She objected that women were not allowed into the ring, the dohyo, as it would then have to be reconsecrated. I told her that that didn’t matter as my Japanese sources had told me that the dohyo was going to be reconsecrated anyway after being defiled by Trump, using the strongest reconsecration rituals known to mankind.
As we now know, the Trump team ignored my advice, and he went there the usual moron that he is. He looked surprised that it was different from World Wrestling entertainment, where he has participated. But worst of all, he could not sit cross legged like everybody else, and Abe had arranged a chair for him right next to the sacred ring. The other 11000 fans sat on mats. As you can imagine, as this is a family newsletter, I cannot reprint most of the comments on the article in the Japan Times. A few were less insulting - like one that said that his double-cheeseburger lunch was clearly visible.
It was also clear that Trump was not used to an event where he was not the main attraction. He entered like it was one of his rallies, with waves and fist bumps. The Japanese, too polite to boo, politely ignored him. He finally got to present the trophy, putting on slippers to enter the ring, which again angered traditionalists. He tried to give a rally speech, but no one was interested.
The Japanese are polite, but they don’t tolerate crap for long.
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