Troops in DC

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So this morning there are 4 times as many US troops at the Capitol in Washington, than there are US troops in Iraq and Afghanistan combined. Both those countries have now offered to send troops to the US to help preserve democracy.

An Iraqi govt spokesman said that they had always mistakenly assumed that the Green Zone in Baghdad was one of the most dangerous places on earth, but they now see that its actually quite a safe haven when compared to the Capitol in DC. So they would be willing to move some of their troops from the Green Zone to DC.

His Afghani counterpart said everything is relative and looking at DC, they now feel quite safe in Kabul and so are also willing to help keep the peace next week in DC.

A spokesman for Iran-backed militias denied that they were involved in training the rioters who overwhelmed the Capitol. We conduct intelligence tests before we recruit people, he said, and besides that, we would never allow people who are stoned, drunk or otherwise high on haraam substances to work for us. 

A spokesperson for the Vietnamese govt, who was a young man when Saigon fell, said that he was surprised that 45 years after that event, the US was still struggling to keep control of govt buildings. But in honor of and thanks for Obama’s famous visit with Anthony Bourdain to the Little Noodle Shop in Hanoi, they were also willing to help out by sending 20000 packed boxes of the “Obama meal” from that day to feed the troops. But Trump has turned down that offer as he doesn’t want to be associated with losers and suckers and people who eat those tasteless long things. And without a Diet Coke.


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