ELON MUSK STORY

 Having fairly completely botched his first week as Chief Twit (that people are already calling Chief Piece of Shxt), Elon is now trying to manage the damage. After his disastrous tweet promoting a disgusting conspiracy theory about the Pelosi break-in from the depths of a rightwing sewer, he took 3 hours to delete it. By then VW, Ford, and dozens of others had “paused” advertising on the new “Shxtter”.

Seeing his 44 billion go up in smoke faster than anyone expected, he called me to ask if I would be willing to lead his “Content Moderation Council” or whatever it’s called. I said, “yeah, sure, for a billion or two, I’m willing to do it”.  But for anything less than that, you will have to follow my rules.

What does that mean? - God asked.

I said, “First, you will only be allowed to tweet once a month. And if your tweet breaks my content moderation rules, it will immediately become once in 2 months. And so on, till you learn how to tweet responsibly”

Will you torture me so much? , he asked.

Unfortunately, I said, if you don’t want to see your 44 billion go up in smoke, you will have to listen to what I say. Of course, Your Highness is worth 200+ billion, so you may decide it’s better to cut your losses and write off the 44 billion now.

He asked for an example of an “acceptable” tweet. So I told him the old story about the Benedictine monk in the abbey, who after years of silence, felt he just had to say something (like Elon does all the time). He sent a note to the Abbott asking for permission. The Abbott replied that he had been a very good and observant monk, and so at breakfast on the Abbey’s feast day next year, he could say one sentence. The year went by, and then on the feast day, the monk stood up at breakfast and said “I love porridge”.

See, Elon, I said, that monk should be your guiding light whenever you get the itch to tweet.

You really want to torture me, he said. What do I do when I want to own the libs, or get the rubes to kiss my you know what, or fight with pedo divers/Pelosi/Zuckerberg/CNN or simply act out the baby in me?

I told him to download and join Truth Social. They would be only too happy to welcome the second most disgusting man in the country to the platform.

He said he would think about it and let me know by email on next Friday whether he still wanted to offer me the content moderation job.

I hung up, drank some tea, and 15 minutes later, the phone rang again. I thought he had made up his mind really quickly. I picked up, but it was my old friend Kellyanne, screaming at me without allowing me to get in a word edgewise. She accused me of having encouraged Elon to get out of his own stinking sewer and had now dumped him into Dotard’s stinking sewer. She called me a lot of choice words not repeatable on a family blog like this.

When she finally allowed me to say a word, I said, “Okay, I’ll make it up to you. Look forward to Modi signing up”. I think she fainted. There was a dull thud and then the phone went dead.